Dear future Daughter-in-law(s)


I’m writing you this letter because I want you to know that I’m thinking about you.

As I write this, I look over at my two sons… Dylan (my oldest – 14) is playing with Jace (my youngest – almost 2).  I’m watching just how good Dylan is with Jace.  I’m watching Jace start to act like his big brother.

This makes me smile and also incredibly excited for you.

I know that these boys are being raised in a way that they will be ready to take over for your daddy when the day comes that they wait for you at the end of the walkway at your wedding.

I know that when you walk down the aisle, hold hands with them, you both say “I do” and the pastor finally says “You may kiss your bride”, that my sons will be ready to be not only the husbands and fathers of your own children that you have always dreamed about, but they will also be ready to be the spiritual leaders in your homes that you may not even know you need yet.

I know these things because I am preparing them for you today.

I know this because the writer of Proverbs has reminded me that:

“Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it”

(Proverbs 22:6 / King James Version)

In every action that I take… in every lesson I teach them… in every way that I treat their mothers (yes… I am divorced and re-married)…

I make sure that, in all I do, I show them how to be a Godly man.

I promise you that when my sons ask you for your hands in marriage, you will be marrying men that know how to love their wives the way Christ loves the Church.

I have been damn sure to be a living example of that in every way I possibly can.

I have made sure to always lift my wife up in prayer daily.

I have continually been my wife’s biggest supporter.  I have encouraged her in every possible way.

I have loved her above all others.

While I have struggled with sexual purity in my earlier years, I have taken Job’s instructions to heart when he said that:

“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman”

(Job 31:1 / New International Version)

I am intentional about teaching my sons that their eyes are only for you.

I have taught them what Jesus has taught us about sexual sin:

“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart”

(Matthew 5:28 / New International Version)

My sons will be ready for you.

They will meet your father and take the heat that is going to come when he grills them.

They will pass that test with flying colors. Your father will approve of them quickly.

They are going to be very old school by that time’s standards.

They will open the door for you.

They will pull out the chair for you.

They will hold your hand as you are walking.

They will give you their jackets when you are cold (even if they have to freeze – because they know to put others above themselves)

When they are ready to ask you for your hand in marriage, they will have that hard conversation with your father asking him for his permission to ask you to marry them.

I know that a lot of the young men being raised today may never be ready to actually become men.  But I promise you that my sons are being raised up to become men.  As they get older, they are being given more and more freedom.  But that freedom comes with increasing responsibility.  Every day they are learning how to be men.  They will know how to change a tire, build stuff, change their own oil.  They will also be able to cook you dinner, wash their own laundry, clean up after themselves and hold down a job and support you.

But more than this, they will know how to love you.

They will know how cherish you.

They will know how to just shut up and hold you when you need to cry.

They may try to fix things when you don’t need them to.  Just realize that they are trying their best to take care of you.  Just tell them to shut up and hold you and they will listen.  I promise.

More importantly, they will treat you like the princess you are.  This may not mean that they will shower you with gifts.  If they are anything like me (and they both are), they will do a bunch of small things very often… flowers, fill up your gas tank, pick you up your favorite movie or book (or whatever you guys have in the future)…

When I tell you that they will treat you like the princess you are, they will be treating you like a princess of the King of kings and Lord of lords (which you are).

But even more importantly… you won’t be marrying a man that puts you first in his life.

Sorry ladies… you will have to deal with the fact that you will only ever be a distant second in their lives.

Their first and foremost intention in life will be to live a life that emulates Christ’s as much as possible and brings glory to God.

He will always be first and foremost in their lives.

Trust me, though, when I tell you…

You will thank me for raising them that way.

Future daughter-in-law… you may not know me…

You are probably in school somewhere right now (in Dylan’s case) learning about Algebra, reading some of history’s greatest books and starting to figure out what you want to go to college for…

You may not even be born yet (in Jace’s case)…  Your mom and dad may not even know you are coming yet.

But to my two future daughters in law… know that I’m already thinking about you.  I already love you like you are my own daughter.

I can’t wait to meet you someday.

God says that:

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart…”

(Jeremiah 1:5 / New International Version)


“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”

(Jeremiah 29:11 / New International Version)

I don’t know you that well and never will…

But I’m doing my part in His plan for your lives.

I’m raising up my sons to be ready for you.


Until then…

Your future Father-in-law